Mania at Hogwarts
by Leah6
Summary: Teachers doing ballet? What's with Draco and Barney? And what about Harry and Ron?
1. Ballet Barney and Pregnancy

A/N: Hey everyone! This is Leah. I changed my name because the other one was plain and boring. Plus, I really do like Daniel Radcliffe. *blushes* Well, on with the story, right? Hope you like it!  
  
Disclaimer: Teachers doing ballet? Draco singing to Barney? Hermione a party animal? Harry thinks he's pregnant? Ron thinks he's the father of Harry's baby? (lol) oh the horror! What has this world come to?  
  
Mania at Hogwarts: Chapter One-Ballet, Barney, and Pregnancy?  
  
Harry, Ron, and Hermione were walking down one of the corridors in Hogwarts. It just happened to be the corridor where Snape's classroom was, and it just so happened they were under the invisibility cloak. Anyways, they were walking down the corridor when they heard ballet music coming from Snape's classroom. They peeked in and Ron almost fainted. Inside, Snape was in a pink leotard, tutu, stockings, and little ballet slippers. He also had a little gold crown on his forehead. It was the hardest thing ever to stop from laughing. Snape was in the middle of doing a "pirouette" when Dumbledore walked in, wearing the same attire as Snape except his clothing was purple. Snape paid no attention as Dumbledore started dancing with him. "They're not half bad," Harry said. "Well, for old men anyways." "Snape's not that old," Hermione hissed. "Oh yeah, I forgot," Harry taunted. "You think the greaseman is hott." Ron snorted with laughter. The trio watched for hours. More and more teachers came. Tiny Professor Flitwick was there, in blue attire, along with Professor Moody, who was wearing green, (Moody was just visiting), Professor McGonagall, wearing red, Professor Trelawney, wearing yellow, (can you picture her in yellow) and to top it all off, Filch was there also, wearing hot pink attire. It was the most hilarious sight they had ever seen in their attire lives. "I wonder how often they do this?" Ron asked. "I bet this isn't the only crazy thing they do," Hermione added. "I'm getting tired of this, lets go see what the students in the school are doing," Harry said with a mischievous grin. They headed toward the Slytherin common room.  
  
They reached the portrait of a man getting his head cut off, and Harry said the password. "All Mudbloods Dead," Harry muttered quietly. The portrait swung open and the three gasped in surprise. "For people so cruel and mean, they sure have a weird taste in decorating!" Hermione whispered. Inside the Slytherin Common Room were pink posters of bunny rabbits with bushy tails, the floors were a bright pink and so were the couches and chairs. The tables were even pink too. To put it simply, EVERYTHING was PINK! "Jeez, I thought Slytherins liked GREEN!" Ron whispered a little too loudly. The Slytherins that were in the common room were all wearing pink also! Hermione, Harry, and Ron tiptoed towards the 6th year boys dormitories. They climbed the stairs and reached the door. Harry opened it quietly. They could hear music playing then they saw Draco was on his bed holding a Barney doll. There were Barney posters all over the walls, Barney bed sheets and bedspreads, Barney slippers by every bed, Barney dolls on every bed, and Barney pillows. Draco was standing on top of his bed in Barney pajamas, singing the "I love you, you love me," song to his Barney doll. Ron passed out on the spot. "Why is Weasley on the floor in my dorm room?" Draco asked. "Oh well, Barney will make you feel all better, Ron," Draco said and walked over to him. He put the dolls so called lips to his and began making kissing sounds. "All better?" Draco questioned. "What? Where am I?" Ron dazedly asked. "You're in my dorm room, silly," Draco said sweetly. "MALFOY!" Ron asked. "Who'd you expect, Ron?" Draco soothed. "BYE!" Ron screamed. "Oh well, Barney," Draco cooed, "Just me and you again!" He then started kissing Barney and lay down and cuddled with his doll. "I love you, Barney," he said sleepily. "What would I ever do without you!" With that said, he rolled over and started snoring.  
  
*Gryffindor Common Room* "Hermione, I and Harry have something to tell you," Ron said. "Sure, what about?" Hermione questioned. "Um.Harry and I are together," Ron began. "Of course you are, your best friends!" Hermione said. "No, Hermione, not like that I mean, together as a couple!" "What!" Hermione screamed. "Oh, my, gosh!" She screamed again. Then she passed out.  
  
*One week later* Hermione was still out cold one week later. She still had a shocked expression on her face, even after she fainted. Her mouth was hanging wide open and her eyes were so big they looked like they would pop out of her head. Harry and Ron visited her daily. Finally, she woke up. "Hermione, finally!" Ron gasped. "What happened?" Hermione asked. "I remember being told something very shocking, and then I passed out!" "We know, Hermione," Harry said. "Do you remember why you passed out?" Hermione looked at the two. They were holding hands!! Then it all came back to her. Harry and Ron was a couple! "There is one other thing," Ron said, looking at Harry the entire time. "Harry's pregnant!"  
  
A/N: Well, there's the end of Chapter One! Yay! There will be more, people! But only if you review! See that nice little button down there that says "Go," click it! Well, that's all for now!  
  
~Leah~ 


	2. Oddness, Parties, and More Oddness

A/N: Hey everyone! Thanks to all my reviewers, even though there were very few. *sniff* Here were the thoughtful reviewers.  
  
bookFREAK2917: HAHAHAHAHAHH! That was so funny. Yet, I think I might have nightmares thinking of Snape in a tutu! AH The images! *runs into the wall and faints* *wakes up* ok. And Ron and Harry gay? Whoa, sorry but that was scary too. Heheheh... ok, bye  
  
mystic-flower: The end is so twisted! The whole story is twisted! I mean come one Severus Snape in a tutu! Draco cute? Well ok everyone has to admit Draco is drop dead gorgeous, I'm referring to baby cute. And Harry and Ron are gay. *Mystic flower falls to floor* Hi this is Ruth, Mystic flower has just died from shock. On to chapter two!! Hi ho! Hi ho! It's off to chapter two you go! Doo doo doo doo doo doo Hi ho hi ho!  
  
A/N Continued: Thanks again to both of you. I appreciate your kind reviews. Well, on with the story, and review review review.  
  
Mania at Hogwarts: Chapter 2- Parties & Oddness  
  
"What?" Hermione stammered. "But your both, you know, guys!" "Well," Ron said blushing. "Harry got, um.you know." Now it was Harry's turn to blush. "Oh my gosh, you didn't?" Hermione choked. "Yeah, I did!" Harry said. With that said, Hermione fell back onto her bed and passed out again.  
  
*One week later*  
  
Hermione woke up a week later with Harry and Ron at her side. "Hermione," Harry said. "Shut up and leave me alone," shouted Hermione. "I never want to see you two again!" She got out of bed and walked out the door of the hospital wing. "What's up with her?" Ron asked. "You dip wad, don't you remember what we told her before she passed out?" Harry said. "Oh yeah, that," Ron said. "But, it's not like she liked one of us is it?" "I don't know, but I'm going to find out," Harry said. Harry then ran out the door after Hermione, leaving a very confused Ron behind.  
  
"Hermione, what's the matter?" Harry asked after finally catching up to her. "What's the matter?!" Hermione screamed. "What do you mean what's the matter? You know perfectly well why I'm upset!" "Well, I thought you would be okay with, you know," Harry said. "Plus, it's not like you liked me or Ron in that way did you?" "If you have to know," Hermione said blushing. "I did." "Oh, really?" Harry said walking away. "Who?" "YOU HARRY, YOU!" Hermione yelled. "Couldn't you see? Were you that blind? I have liked you since, I don't know how long!" "Oh, Hermione, I didn't know!" Harry said quietly. "But how couldn't you not know, Harry?" Hermione said calming down a bit. "I gave so many obvious signs. Even the other girls found out that I liked you. I'm surprised you haven't heard. They have been spreading it around the entire school!" "Hermione, the truth is, the only reason I turned, you know, was because I thought you didn't like me," Harry stammered. "What? So you did like me?" Hermione said stammering back. "Yeah, I was very upset because of that, I started hanging out with Ron and that's when I found out that Ron was, well, you know," Harry said. "Oh, so you never really liked Ron?" Hermione asked, feeling slightly happier. "Not at all," Harry said. "I've always liked you, Hermione. "Then all those things you said before, in the hospital wing, about you being, you know, and having, well," Hermione choked. "It was all a lie, Hermione. Ron thought it would be a great joke to play on you. But Ron still is, you know, and he still likes me and thinks I like him too," Harry said. "That's wonderful to know how you feel about me, Harry," Hermione said. "Yeah, I'm glad I told you how I felt," said Harry. "Me too," Hermione answered back. "So, are we like going out now?" Harry asked. "Only if you want to, Harry," Hermione responded. "You bet I do!" Harry said, and with that they walked hand in hand back to Gryffindor Tower.  
  
*Gryffindor Tower*  
  
Ron was sitting on the couch staring into the fire when the two walked in. He noticed them holding hands. "What the heck?" Ron said. "Ron, we need to talk," Harry said. "Yes, we definitely do," Ron stammered, looking down at their entwined hands. "Ron, I don't like you," Harry said calmly. "I like Hermione. I always have, and always will." "What?" Ron screamed. "But, you can't! Your, your." "No, I'm not! I never was! You were the one that forced me to go out with you!" Harry said starting to get angry. "How could you do this to me?" Ron yelled and ran up to the dormitories. "He will be okay," Harry said. "I hope so," Hermione said, as they headed over to the couch. (Okay, enough with the sappy romance kind of thing. On with the funny part)  
  
*Two Days Later*  
  
Ron was still not talking to Harry and Hermione. He was never around either. They never saw him at lunch or any other meals. The only time they saw him was during classes and he was always in the back of the classroom.  
  
Harry and Hermione had announced to the entire school that they were going out. Friday night in the Gryffindor Common Room they had a big party for Harry and Hermione. Everyone, besides Ron, thought they were meant to be together, and so did Harry and Hermione. Everyone was shocked by Hermione. Nobody knew she could be such a party animal. She had at least ten butter beers, and was very drunk! She could barely stand up, and couldn't talk at all without slurring every single word. Harry steered her over to the couch and sat her down. It was 1:00 in the morning and Hermione fell asleep immediately. Harry carried her up to the girl's dormitories and laid her in her bed.  
  
*The Next Morning*  
  
Ron was actually at lunch the next morning, except he was not at the Gryffindor table. He was at the Slytherin table, sitting next to Draco Malfoy. They were both wearing Barney pajamas. "No wonder Ron wasn't at Gryffindor Tower last night," Hermione whispered to Harry.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED.  
  
A/N: Hope ya liked that chapter. Please review and tell me what you think. I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks and you will be mentioned in the next chapter if you do review! Bye! ~Leah~ 


	3. sorry, mistake on chap title no hagrid i...

A/N: Hey everyone! I'm wondering why I'm not getting very many reviews. Is it only accepting reviews from members and no anonymous reviews? Could someone email me at: leahbee777@yahoo.com and tell me. Anyways, thanks to the one reviewer. Here is what he/she said.  
  
Firebolt-2002: Snape? In a tutu? (Bad image, very bad image) Malfoy obsessed with Barney? And Harry and Ron are gay? And Harry is pregnant?! ~*~way too bad an image. Firebolt-2002 faints from shock~*~ ~*~wakes up. Firebolt-2002 Begins ROTFLOL~*~ this is hilarious. You have got to continue this.  
  
Firebolt-2002: So Harry was never pregnant? That's a relief. And Ron's a Barney fan?! You like twisting stuff don't you? Please update ASAP.rnrnEm  
  
A/N Cont.: Yeah, a lot of people have bad images of Snape in a tutu! I mean, who wouldn't? Yeah, and Harry and Ron, that would be creepy also. Malfoy and Barney, I thought that would be just hilarious, I couldn't resist! Nope, Harry was never pregnant! That is a relief isn't it?! Yes, I do love twisting stuff as you can see! Anyways, thanks again for reviewing! On with Chapter Three I go!  
  
Mania at Hogwarts- Chapter 3: Hagrid and Oddness  
  
After breakfast, the Gryffindors headed back to Gryffindor Tower to get ready for their first class of the day, Double Potions with Slytherin. Ten minutes later, the duo, (Ron was still not talking to them) headed down to the dirty, cold, dark dungeons. When they got there, Harry passed out cold. Hermione gasped a loud gasp and she could barely stable herself she was so shocked. The dungeons were no longer dark, dirty, or ugly. The classroom was pink and greatly resembled the Slytherin Common Room. (Remember, everything pink and fluffy bunnies and such) The ceiling was enchanted with rainbows and fluffy clouds and sunshine filled the room. Ballet music was playing. The same music they heard when the trio saw all the teachers doing ballet. In the corner of the classroom there was a big rack with at least thirty leotards, hose, tutus, etc. Snape was not in the classroom yet, which was a good thing because the students were scared of what they would see when he came out. They thought somebody did his classroom like this as a prank, but oh how wrong they were.  
  
*20 minutes later*  
  
Twenty minutes later, Snape emerged from the door behind his desk into the classroom. He had a big goofy smile on his face and was in a green leotard, tutu, etc. The Slytherins all fell out of their chair because they had fainted. They Gryffindors, other then Harry, Ron, and Hermione, were just staring, while the other three were just laughing. "Shut up you three or you will have detention tonight with me," Snape bellowed. "What are you going to do, Professor," Harry snorted. "Make us do ballet!" Snape cackled and then said, "Much worse, Potter. You will do ballet in front of the entire school!" "Oh no, not that, please Professor," Hermione begged. "If you say one more thing then you very well will be," Snape said. "Yes Professor, we will stop," Ron stammered. "Good," Snape said. "Now, let's begin class. Everyone go over to the corner and pick out an outfit." Everyone stumbled over to the rack and finally got an outfit. Harry was wearing a yellow outfit, Hermione a blue one, Ron a pink, Neville a purple, Seamus a red, Dean an orange, Lavender and Parvati both had white, and the Slytherins all had green. They were mad because they wanted purple to match their Barney dolls. "Now that you finally have your outfits on, we shall begin," Snape said. He turned on the music and said, "Try to follow along with what I am doing." He started out with easy moves which everyone could do, except Neville. Then he started doing harder moves. Only the Slytherins and Ron could follow along. "Wonder where Ron learned ballet," Harry whispered to Hermione. She started giggling uncontrollably. The Gryffindors just watched Snape and the Slytherins, (and Ron) do the moves of so called ballet. It looked more like they were swimming on land. Finally class was over and the Gryffindors split up. Some went to Arithmancy while the others headed to Divination. "I wonder what she has planned for us today," Neville said to Harry. "I have no idea," Harry said back. They climbed up the ladder into the tiny classroom. The room smelled particularly bad today. It wasn't as dark as it usually was but, the smell was enough to drive you mad. It was the most unusual class they ever had, but the funnest. She was very nice to everyone and didn't predict Harry's death at all. That was something since she did that at least 20 times every class. In Divination that day, they had a "tea party." Not the kind of tea party you are thinking of. They did of course drink "tea" and where funny hats with feathers in them and all, but the tea was a truth potion. "Are these teachers going mad," Seamus asked Dean. "I think so, I mean ballet in potions, a "tea party" in Divination. What's next, a rap contest in Transfiguration?" (a/n: hey, that's not a bad idea, sometimes I amaze myself, lol) "That would be fun," Seamus said. "Now class, drink your "tea" and question your friends. It's not a very strong truth potion, but it will work fine," Professor Trelawney said. "Um.Professor?" Neville asked. "Yes, Longbottom?" Trelawney said. "Why are we taking truth potions? We just had them in Potions." "Because it's for a grade," she said. "But, but," Neville stammered. "Don't argue with me! Just take the potion," she said angrily. "Whatever," Neville muttered under his breath. Harry and Hermione were questioning each other at the back table. "Harry, who do you like?" Hermione said. "Hermione Granger." "Good answer, now, are you jealous of anyone?" "I'm jealous of Snape, he stole my tutu." Hermione burst out laughing. "Okay, what do you want to do now?" "I want to kiss Hermione." "I think that can be arranged, Hermione said, and with that she kissed him on the lips. He immediately woke up and kissed her back. Professor Trelawney cleared her throat, but the two paid no attention. Ron snorted angrily at Harry while the rest of the class was laughing loudly. Finally Divination was over. The students all headed down to the Great Hall for lunch. "What do we have next," Harry asked Hermione. "Transfiguration and then Care of Magical Creatures," Hermione stated. "At least Transfiguration is with Ravenclaw and not Slytherin," Harry said. Ron was over at the Slytherin table again, and this time all the Slytherins had their Barney dolls with them. Finally lunch was over, and the Gryffindors made their way up the stairs to the Transfiguration Classroom.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED  
  
A/N: Hey everyone! Review please and tell me what you think. Thanks bunches! ~Leah~ 


	4. McGonagall and Rap?

Disclaimer: I am sorry to say I own nothing in this story except the names of the Ravenclaws and I'm not even sure if those are mine. I'm sorry if I took anybody's ideas for names.  
  
A/N: hey everyone! Um.again I only had one reviewer! *sniff* why aren't you people reviewing? It makes me mad. I only get one or two reviewers at the most. I would like you to tell me if it only accepts signed reviews please. Someone tell me! Here's the review I got.  
  
Starlight Princess: lol.*dies laughing*  
  
Short huh? Oh well!  
  
Um.Anyways, here's chapter 4! ~Leah~  
  
Mania at Hogwarts: Chapter 4 - McGonagall and Rap?  
  
Five minutes later, the Ravenclaw and Gryffindor students were seated in their seats (sorry, I couldn't resist) and waiting for Professor McGonagall to begin class. Again, the classroom filled with gasps as the Professor made her way into the room. She was wearing black cargos and a gray tank- top with a gold chain necklace around her neck. She was wearing a toboggan with her hair pulled up into a ponytail and she had black sunglasses on. "Hey, my prediction was right," Seamus said to Dean. "Maybe we are having a rap contest." Dean snorted with laughter as McGonagall gave them a "you better shut up or I'll give you a detention" look. She made her way up to the front of the class as giggles erupted from all over.  
  
"Class, settle down!" McGonagall yelled. "Today, we will be doing something a little different." "A little!" muttered a 6th year Ravenclaw boy. "Parker!" shouted the Professor. "One more word from you and I will see to it you have detention with Filch tonight." That settled everyone down. "Now, let's begin. Today we will be having a rap contest." "Told you," Seamus said to Dean. They both burst out laughing. "That's it you two! I warned you! Detention for you both, tonight. Meet me here at 8:00 sharp or I will make that a double detention!" McGonagall yelled. The boys gulped. "Yes, Professor," they muttered. "Anyways, it will be Ravenclaw vs. Gryffindor. The judges will be here in just a few minutes." "Judges?" Harry asked. "Yes, Potter, judges. J-U-D-G-E-S." "But why do we need judges?" Harry asked again. "That's not important, Potter," the Professor muttered.  
  
Ten minutes later, the judges walked in. They consisted of Professor Dumbledore, Professor Flitwick, Professor Snape, and Professor Trelawney. "Why Professor Trelawney?" Hermione asked but nobody noticed. Every student was handed a gangsta outfit to wear. Fifteen minutes later, everyone was dressed and ready to go. "Ravenclaw will go first," Dumbledore said. "Would you please come up front." The 6th year Ravenclaws made their way up to the front. First up, Ryan Parker and Katie Johnson. They started singing, "Dilemma" by Nelly and Kelly.  
  
After their song was done, everyone clapped. "Very good," Professor Dumbledore said. "Now you will receive your marks." Dumbledore gave them an eight, Flitwick gave them a seven, Snape gave them a three, (he doesn't like Ravenclaws) and Trelawney gave them a six. "Now, the next group will be, Kayla Spalding and Tyler Alexander." Kayla and Tyler began to sing "Superman" by Eminem. Three minutes later, they were finished. The judges gave them a 6, 7, 2, (snape) 7. Forty-five minutes later, all the Ravenclaws were finished and it was time for the Gryffindors to start. "First up is Harry and Hermione," Dumbledore said. The two looked at each other, blushed, and made their way up front. They started singing "Air Force Ones" by Nelly. (lol, don't ask) Three minutes later they were done and had received a loud applause from the students and teachers. (except Snape) Their marks were 10, 9, 5, and 8. "Next up we have Lavender and Ron," Professor said. Lavender and Ron stood up and made their way up front. "Without Me," by Eminem started playing. Ron and Lavender took turns singing. They didn't do very badly. The judges gave tem a 8, 6, 4, and 6. Another forty-five minutes later, all the Gryffindors were done, and class was over.  
  
As Harry and Hermione were walking down the hallway, they saw Draco Malfoy over in the corner crying. They walked over to him. "Malfoy, what's the matter?" Hermione asked. "They *sob* took *sniff* Barney!" Malfoy cried. "Who took it?" Harry laughed. "Tyler and Ryan," Draco cried. Hermione almost burst out laughing. "Well, want us to get it back for you," Hermione said in a babyish type voice. "Uh-huh," Draco said. "Ok, we will be right back," she said. Harry and she took off down the hallway laughing hysterically. "We're going to be late for Care of Magical Creatures," Harry said clutching his side. "Who cares," Hermione said. "The Hermione Granger doesn't care if she is late for class," Harry mocked. "All I care about and want right now is you," she said and pulled him into a passionate kiss. After a few minutes of snogging, they headed down to Care of Magical Creatures. They stopped in their tracks and Harry passed out cold when they reached the cabin. What Hermione saw made her want to throw up.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED  
  
A/N: Phew, end of chapter two! I think that was the worst chapter I've done because it wasn't very funny! Anyways, please review! Oh yeah, I assume all the people singing knew the words to the song they were given. (lol) Next chapter will be Care of Magical Creatures Class and maybe more, like Seamus and Dean's detention with Filch. And what's happening down at Hagrid's cabin? Also, why are the teachers, not having a "normal" class. And why won't the teachers answer any questions? Find out in later chapters! Well, thanks bunches, and review, review!  
  
~Leah~  
  
Another A/N: Again, can someone please tell me if this story only accepts signed reviews? Please? Also, if you have ANY ideas for the story, could you please tell me? Like, ways to make it funnier, or how to twist it more or make it more exciting. Also, should I have more romance going on? WHAT SHOULD I DO?! Someone please, please review and tell me! I will go nuts if you don't! Oh wait, I already have haven't I? Anyways, that would be greatly appreciated, and if you do review I might even use you in the chapters to come, ya never know! Thanks again. ~Leah~ (leahbee777@yahoo.com) 


	5. Care of Magical Creatures & Awaiting Det...

A/N: Hey everyone! Do you people just not like me or something, cuz your not reviewing! I had, again, ONE reviewer! Here was the very kind review!  
  
|firebolt-2002 |2003-03-07 |4 |Signed | |~*~in near hysterics~*~ this is awesome! lol malfoy is crying over a| |Barney? Oh please, what a baby! here's a way to make it a bit | |funnier. When close to malfoy make someone sing the song of Weird Al| |Yackavitch(that is how you spell it?) Barney's on Fire. that should | |put Malfoy in a nice mood! A really freaky twist would be to put in | |a slash like R/D (first one that came to mind). Anyway please update| |ASAP. I haven't laughred or gotten this many bad images in weeks! | |(And I'm a girl just so you know) | | | |Emi |  
  
Thanks for that very kind review! I really appreciate it! Well, since I did have one review, I will continue. But only for her! So, here's Chapter Five!  
  
Mania at Hogwarts: Chapter 5 - Care of Magical Creatures & Awaiting Detention  
  
Last chapter: They stopped in their tracks and Harry passed out cold when they reached the cabin. What Hermione saw made her want to throw up.  
  
In front of Hagrid's cabin, they saw the most hideous creature. It looked like half whale/half giraffe. But then again, nobody could really tell. It had a very long neck and was very slimy. It had lots of shaggy black hair.  
  
"Now this here creature is called a Whaleraff. What yer have to do is feed em this here pig snout," Hagrid said.  
  
Pansy Parkinson ran away towards the lake with a loud shriek. Sadly she tripped over a root when she was about 2 feet from the lake's edge. What happened next was something that will be scarred in the lives of the 6th years forever. She tripped into the lake and this giant tentacle rose out of the water, smacked her around for ten seconds and dragged her under. Then all of a sudden Millicent Bulstrode ran after her screaming, "Pansy, I'm coming for you love," and followed suit. Sadly, the two were never seen again.  
  
"Now where was I before I was so rudely interrupted," Hagrid muttered.  
  
Most of the kids stood there with looks of utter horror on their faces.  
  
"Come on now, what yer waitin fer? They're gettin' hungry now! Come on!"  
  
The 6th years slowly made their way up to the front of the cabin.  
  
Crabbe & Goyle (Malfoy was still crying over Barney, I will get back to that later. I have something special planned) slowly crept over to the creature. Goyle stuck his finger up to the Whaleraff's mouth. Another unfortunate thing happened. The Whaleraff snapped shut on Goyle's finger, picked him up in the air, and threw him all the way across the grounds. Unfortunately he happened to hit the whomping willow. Gregory Goyle was no longer.  
  
"Oh yea, I forgot to mention the little tykes don't know their own strength. Might powerful they are," Hagrid said under his breath.  
  
By then half the class had fainted or run back to the castle.  
  
"Just wait til' tomorrow class, Walrats!" Hagrid chuckled and skipped back to his cabin. (can you picture hagrid skipping?)  
  
*Later that Night*  
  
Dean & Seamus were walking to Professor McGonogall's office for their detention. Unlucky for them, they didn't know what awaited them in the next half hour.  
  
They ended up having detention with Filch that night.  
  
A/N: yea, I know this chappie is short. Sorry, I'm writing the next one right now. Please leave a review. Oh yea, I know its been forever since I last updated, but I don't think neone really cares. Well, again please review!  
  
~*Leah*~ 


	6. Detention & More Barney

Disclaimer: I own nothing except the crazy ideas for this story which I so dearly hope is original. The rest belongs to you know who and bla bla bla. I don't know why I have to do this, but I guess if it makes people happy I will.  
  
A/N: Here is the next and unawaited ch. 6! Yay yay rah rah rah.  
  
Mania at Hogwarts: Ch. 6 - Detention and Barney  
  
Seamus & Dean were walking across the grounds with Filch until they reached the lake.  
  
"Um.what are we supposed to do here, at the lake, at this hour?" Dean asked.  
  
"Shut up and I'll tell ya!" Argued Filch. "You do remember Care of Magical Creatures earlier today don't ya?"  
  
"How could we forget?" Seamus said recalling the horrid memory. They both shuddered at the thought while Filch continued.  
  
"Well, remember the two filthy students that so unfortunately happened to errm.well, that incident ya know? Well yer job is to, errm.retrieve the bodies."  
  
"RETRIEVE THE BODIES?!! WHAT IF THERE IS NO BODIES LEFT?! THE GIANT SQUID PROBABLY ATE THEM!" Seamus yelled in a thick Irish accent.  
  
"Well, yes. We know for sure that is what happened," Filch said in a "that's so obvious" voice.  
  
"I don't like where this is going," Dean whispered.  
  
"So what yer goin ter have to do is find the giant squid, try to kill it, and bring the bodies back," Filch drawled like this happens every other day.  
  
"THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE!" It was Dean's turn to yell.  
  
"Yea, it probably is," Filch yelled. "But that doesn't mean yer not goin ter try! Here ya go."  
  
Filch handed them both spears and some gillyweed.  
  
"This is ALL we get to use?" Seamus asked, his eyes starting to glaze over and roll into the back of his head.  
  
Without another word said, Filch dragged the boys to the waters edge and pushed them in. "Good luck," Filch said in a false voice. He turned around and started his walk back to the castle.  
  
"Did Filch just wish us good luck?" Dean whispered to Seamus.  
  
A loud, "NOT!!!" echoed throughout the grounds followed by a loud cackle.  
  
Both boys signed, swallowed the gillyweed, and began their impossible quest.  
  
*Meanwhile*  
  
Harry, Hermione, and Ron were just strolling around the corridors when they found Malfoy sitting in the same corner as this morning.  
  
"Malfoy, have you been there all day?" Hermione asked, snorting loudly.  
  
Harry and Ron gave her odd looks at her snorting.  
  
"Yes, they, they, THEY NEVER RETURNED BARNEY!" he screamed.  
  
At this, Harry and Hermione dropped to the floor with uncontrollable laughter.  
  
"Ron, what's the matter with you? Don't you find this hilarious?" Harry asked.  
  
"Um.yeah, hehe!" Ron said, stuttering lightly.  
  
Harry gave Hermione a questioning look and shrugged.  
  
"But Malfoy, didn't we tell you? We found Barney!" Hermione squealed.  
  
At this Malfoy's eyes widened and he jumped up.  
  
"Give him to me now!" he screamed.  
  
"Well, you see. We DID find him, but not exactly how you would of liked," she continued.  
  
Malfoy looked at her questioningly.  
  
"Maybe this will explain it," Harry said catching on.  
  
Out of nowhere a song began to play.  
  
Hermione: Happened one day in the studio, Dancing around in a do-si-do  
  
Harry: The purple monstrosity was waving his arms, We were falling victim to his evil charms  
  
Hermione: He brushed against a candle and he started to smoke, And now we're all laughing at the dinosaur choke  
  
They both gave Ron a glare and he started to sing, though somewhat chokefully.  
  
Ron: Oh boy, Barney's on fire! It's what we've always desired.  
  
Hermione: We'll watch the flames get higher and higher  
  
Harry: Just don't try to put him out!  
  
Ron: (in the background) Kill him! Kill him!  
  
Harry: Purple fur was flying ashes everywhere, And all of the kids just continued to stare  
  
Hermione: The guy inside the suit, he started to yell, We probably should've helped him but what the hell  
  
Harry: He threw himself violently against the wall, He fell to his knees and he tried to crawl  
  
Ron: (in tears) Oh Boy, Barney's on fire! This is our secret desire!  
  
Harry: We'll watch the flames get higher and higher!  
  
Hermione: But don't you try to put him out!  
  
Ron: (in whispers) Break it down for me fellas. (Acting like Barney screaming and saying, "I love you.you..love..me)  
  
Harry: Oh boy, Barney's on fire! This is what we've always desired!  
  
Hermione: Won't you help us fan the flames higher? And you better not try to put him out  
  
Harry: (slower) Barney's no longer ignited, We're feeling somewhat slighted  
  
Hermione: He's lying in a heap on the floor, We poked him with a stick cause we had to be sure he was dead After the song ended, Ron ran over to Draco and put his arm around him. Malfoy was crying so loudly he was out of control and screaming.  
  
"HOW COULD YOU DO SUCH A THING?! WHY?! I UNDERSTAND *CHOKE* THAT YOU DON'T LIKE ME, BUT THERE WAS NO *HIC* REASON TO DO THAT!"  
  
With that said, he ran down the hall and out of sight, followed closely by Ron.  
  
Harry and Hermione looked at each other and burst out laughing.  
  
"That. was. the. funniest thing. in the history. of the world!" Harry panted.  
  
"Yes, it really was, but don't you think we should actually return his barney now?" Hermione asked, snorting a little.  
  
"Yeah, I suppose so," Harry sighed, and without they started their walk to the ever so pink dungeons.  
  
When they got down to the dungeons they stopped because they couldn't remember the password. They started naming various things and finally Hermione said sarcastically, "All hail the deceased Barney??"  
  
As weird as it may seem, it worked and they stepped into the common room.  
  
When they reached the 6th year boys dormitories, they heard voices coming from inside.  
  
"Calm down, Draco. I will buy you 10 new Barneys tomorrow," Ron's voice drifted into the hallway.  
  
"You, you, you will?" Draco stuttered.  
  
"Yes, now just calm down, please," Ron said softly.  
  
"Well, I have one other Barney still, but its just not the same. Nobody can ever replace my first Barney!"  
  
Harry set the Barney down outside the door and knocked softly, and then they ran farther up the stairs so they would be out of sight but could still see and hear.  
  
The door opened and Malfoy's face appeared in the door frame.  
  
"Whose there?" he muttered.  
  
He was about to go back inside when he heard a squeak. He looked down and his eyes widened in shock and then narrowed in anger. "YOU ARE NOT BARNEY! YOU, YOU, YOU IMPOSTER!! You look nothing like my real Barney! The real Barney has a orange dot on its thigh!" Malfoy yelled in outrage, obviously ignoring the quickly fading spot on its thigh.  
  
He then picked up the "imposter barney", and took him inside. What Harry and Hermione heard was not pretty, but not either of them were prepared for what came next.  
  
"AND DON'T EVER SHOW YOUR GREEN, UGLY SELF HERE AGAIN!" Malfoy screamed then slammed the door shut.  
  
Lets just say Barney had a few body parts amputated. He no longer had a head, err. well, he did, but.well you get the picture. Where the "belly" was supposed to be was 3 knifes stuck into it, and its tail was reattached to its, erm. well, whatever that was. It was hard to tell.  
  
They both walked over the mangled, once fluffy and plush toy. There was a note attached to it. It read, "Use this box of matches to erm.well, you know. JUST GET RID OF THIS IMPOSTER!"  
  
"Gladly!" Harry cackled evilly. He lit a match and set the "imposter" on fire. Hermione quickly knocked on the door and they ran as fast as they could up the stairs.  
  
The door opened and Malfoy reappeared. He saw the smoldering doll and a look of utter horror appeared on his face. "Ron, hurry! Bring Barney out here now! Ron brought the replacement Barney to the door. Draco quickly dumped a glass of water on the Barney and examined him closely. He saw a faded orange dot on its right thigh. Draco started to tear up and before long he was shaking with uncontrollable tears. "It.really.was.BARNEY!!" he cried.  
  
"It's all Harry and Hermione's fault. They had me all worked up cuz of that stupid song! I bet they set fire to this one too! Ooh I'm gonna kill them!"  
  
With that he shut the door with a huge slam and Harry and Hermione ran for their lives trying to come up with a hiding place, while Draco thought up a plan for revenge!  
  
TO BE CONTINUED  
  
A/N: So, how'd ya like it? It's quite long isn't it? Still to come, why are the teachers acting so weird? What is happening with Seamus and Dean? And what in the world is Draco plotting? Still to come on the next chapter of MANIA AT HOGWARTS!! ~*Leah*~ 


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